Your writing is so profound and your words make me feel the breeze and the smell of pine trees. I struggled to get through highschool and college and even graduate school.
I never wanted to read aloud , submit papers , because it sounded like it had no form or flow.
Like my mind one thought switches to another and I become blocked . I shit down my thoughts and emotions . I know this stems from childhood and self esteem . I grew up with highly educated parents and they told me I had a learning disability and said I should try to get a teaching degree and would be able to get a job teaching Pre-K to maybe 2nd grade.
So that's what I did . I have to admit I loved it but when the administration changed they placed me in 5th grade . All the new common core curriculum and ugghhh the math terrified me.
How could I teach 5th grade. My husband that year asked for a divorce and my twin girls were 7.
I begged the principal to please keep me in the younger grades as that is where I have the most experience and skills.
I tried to learn all material , decorated the classroom with 5 th grade posters , centers , prepared files . I did everything I could but I knew the stress of going through a divorce , no support system , I was overwhelmed.
I called the principal and tried one more time . No he said your certification says 1-6 . You should be able to teach 5th grade .
I felt like I was a kid in school being reprimanded, I recalled my father telling me I could never teach past 2nd maybe 3rd but 5th grade NO.
So I resigned .
I went back to teaching but only Pre-K in a private school for very little pay. Then I became a substitute in various schools for a few years hopping in would land a first or second grade job.
That never happened . I didn't like the caddy women and the administration intimatated me
So then Covid came and I gona job at home working remotely for a sales team in skin care. .
It was boring but I was able to get by.
My ex was awful to me as well as my father . I had no family support and the girls went to love with their father and cut off contact with me.
They would mimick their father saying I wasn't smart enough to even teach 5th grade.
So that's the reason I am afraid to write , tell my truth , I don't think I can humanly handle anymore rejection so I am taking a break
. I joined a coaching class and I'm learning about my Human Design.
I've been happy and I look forward to connecting with other women.
I'm just. taking it day by day. I am learning self care after all these years of feeling not valued , not loved so I will learn to love myself and hopefully continue to express myself .
Thanks so much for sharing.
I love the state of surrender and peace that you shared just now.
Your writing is so profound and your words make me feel the breeze and the smell of pine trees. I struggled to get through highschool and college and even graduate school.
I never wanted to read aloud , submit papers , because it sounded like it had no form or flow.
Like my mind one thought switches to another and I become blocked . I shit down my thoughts and emotions . I know this stems from childhood and self esteem . I grew up with highly educated parents and they told me I had a learning disability and said I should try to get a teaching degree and would be able to get a job teaching Pre-K to maybe 2nd grade.
So that's what I did . I have to admit I loved it but when the administration changed they placed me in 5th grade . All the new common core curriculum and ugghhh the math terrified me.
How could I teach 5th grade. My husband that year asked for a divorce and my twin girls were 7.
I begged the principal to please keep me in the younger grades as that is where I have the most experience and skills.
I tried to learn all material , decorated the classroom with 5 th grade posters , centers , prepared files . I did everything I could but I knew the stress of going through a divorce , no support system , I was overwhelmed.
I called the principal and tried one more time . No he said your certification says 1-6 . You should be able to teach 5th grade .
I felt like I was a kid in school being reprimanded, I recalled my father telling me I could never teach past 2nd maybe 3rd but 5th grade NO.
So I resigned .
I went back to teaching but only Pre-K in a private school for very little pay. Then I became a substitute in various schools for a few years hopping in would land a first or second grade job.
That never happened . I didn't like the caddy women and the administration intimatated me
So then Covid came and I gona job at home working remotely for a sales team in skin care. .
It was boring but I was able to get by.
My ex was awful to me as well as my father . I had no family support and the girls went to love with their father and cut off contact with me.
They would mimick their father saying I wasn't smart enough to even teach 5th grade.
So that's the reason I am afraid to write , tell my truth , I don't think I can humanly handle anymore rejection so I am taking a break
. I joined a coaching class and I'm learning about my Human Design.
I've been happy and I look forward to connecting with other women.
I'm just. taking it day by day. I am learning self care after all these years of feeling not valued , not loved so I will learn to love myself and hopefully continue to express myself .
Now I just need to figure out how to use this app as a writer so I can get some stuff out ? Maybe ? :)
This makes me feel so seen and validated as a writer. Thank you.